Lessons in Parenthood - 6: Toys and Noise

For the sake of your sanity, do not buy toys which make annoying electronic noises, especially those which pronounce Z as "Zee"

And for the record, I'd just like to say if anyone EVER buys her those shoes which squeak with every step taken, they are going straight in the bin. You have been warned!

New tricks

As far as development goes, at 16 weeks, Abigail is a textbook case. In the last couple of weeks she has learned to roll over. This is quite entertaining during the day, but less so on a night when she wants to practice her press ups at 4am. I usually have to turn her over onto her back a couple of times a night at the moment. It's not that I'm obsessing about her sleeping on her front, but sometimes she screams, as though she's stuck! Usually in the morning we find her asleep on her belly anyway. I'm sure the baby police would tell me this is all wrong, but hey, she's got strong neck muscles and anyway, what am I supposed to do?!

This month was also a major developmental milestone for us as parents. It wasn't until my friend, Suze, came round to help out that I realised I was a living in a state of permanent tension watching the clock. Aaggh! She's been up for 2 hours! Must get her down for a nap before she gets over-tired. But will she sleep and how long will it take to get her to sleep? And how to get her to sleep? All these baby books are full of useful (if patronising) advice about routines, but very few of them offer any practical advice on how to settle a baby.

I always had this nagging doubt in the back of my mind that I could never settle my child. No wonder nap times had become a battle. Suze pointed out that Abigail tensed up every time we took her to her room. "Take a deep breath and relax your shoulders" Suze suggested. "Don't just try and stick her in the cot, have some cuddle time to wind down and when you swaddle her up talk to her, explain what you're doing". Finally, on the subject of the shusshing and patting, a favourite technique of the Baby Whisperer, Suze said "I prefer to sing, shusshing is so boring!"

I cannot tell you how useful this bit of free consultancy was. I now approach nap times with a totally different mentality. For the first time I feel that I'm really able to enjoy my baby. I don't have that all-consuming tension that the whole thing is out of my control. Of course, I'd be lying if I said I was always a picture of calm; that's not quite in my nature. But just the simple act of going about things with a smile on my face and humming all sorts of silly baby songs has lifted my mood considerably.

Survival of the first three months

So the 3 month mark is upon us already. What can I say? It seems like a lifetime ago since I was in hospital giving birth to Abigail. I still can't remember much about those first few weeks, which passed in a whirlwind of feeding, projectile poo and vomit (on her part) and sleep deprivation and migranes (on mine). Of course everyone says the first few weeks are hard. I had it on good authority that things start to turn a corner after six weeks. My brother laughed at this. "Yes, everyone told us it got easier at six weeks. Then, when it didn't, they said 3 months. At 3 months everyone said "wait until 6 months"....and at six months they just stopped saying anything." Over a year later, my brother and his wife are finally back to some semblance of normal sleep, only to have this brief peace shattered next year when baby number 2 arrives.

One thing we are quite certain of is that there will be no baby number 2 in our case. I guess everyone says this, but right now, the thought of going through all of that again is too much. Feeding every hour. Wailing, screaming and the quivering bottom lip. Gripe water, wind drops, herbal oils; anything in a desperate attempt to stop the screaming. Countless circuits wearing a groove into the marble floor with the pram trying to get her to sleep. Tiptoeing round the house while the pile driver on the building site next door clunks at a thousand decibels. Feeling like I've been run over by a truck; so tired I could pass out standing up. Bags under my eyes which Touche Eclat can't make a dent in. No way, Jose! One baby is quite enough thank you!

One thing I have realised, however, is that you do adapt. As a highly-strung person I was the first to dash out lines like "Oh for god's sake, just go to sleep Abigail!" or "she's going to have to go on formula". Other classics included "I'm going to throw her off the balcony" or "I'm going to throw myself off the balcony!" Or in Dom's case, that old Frank Spencer line "I'm a failure!" Eventually though, you realise that, as good as it feels to vent frustration, it doesn't actually achieve anything. It seems babies have an uncanny knack of picking up on your stress levels and getting wound up just makes them scream more while you feel worse.

It's classic change transition curve stuff in action. Pre-baby you are excited at the prospect of the new arrival; your mood lifts in anticipation of this joyous event. Post baby you rapidly slip into denial. Fuelled by some mad kind of post-birth euphoria, you are convinced that within a few days you'll be back to your old self and old routine. No problem with that half-marathon you signed up for and bring on the networking conference in Bangkok next weekend. Quickly, such thoughts evaporate, as you realise this is not a minor blip but a major bump in your lifestyle road. Example: Week 2 and Dom invited some friends over for dinner. Unfortunately I was a bit further along the transition curve and told him in no uncertain terms that if they really had to come over it would be for a quick lunch - and takeaway pizza at that.

Following on rapidly from denial is awareness, the realisation of what you have just taken on. It's much harder than you thought. It's really not what you signed up for, but unfortunately, unlike that unwanted M&S Christmas cardie, there's no return policy on this one. And all those baby books you read and confidently spouted about to family and friends? Absolutely useless. Unfortunately there is no E.A.S.Y. when it comes to babies. It's just H.A.R.D! Your inexperience is exposed to the core by this tiny human being. Never before in your life has anyone made you feel so inadequate or useless as your new bald boss.

At some point you hit the bottom. The slightest thing can send you over the edge. I remember Dom moaning that the maid had dried the baby bath off with his gym towel. Normally he wouldn't be bothered by such trivia. Equally, under normal circumstances I wouldn't roar "I've got bigger fish to fry than worrying about what f*%&ing towel the maid used to dry the sodding bath with...like you have time to go to the gym now anyway!!!" This stage is the worst. You can't imagine life ever getting back to normal. The baby's bottle is always proverbially half empty - although the nappy, in a cruel twist of fate, is always half full.

And then, somehow you start to move into acceptance. Life has evolved. There's no point resenting the fact that your weekend lie-in is toast and your social life has gone up in smoke. If she wakes to feed at 2, 3 and 4am, you should just get on with it quickly and quietly in the hope she'll go straight back to sleep. There are no prizes for throwing the night light across the bedroom in a fit of pique. Most importantly, you realise that sometimes she's going to cry, whatever you do. So you have a choice: you can either get stressed by it, or you can try and go with the flow...and let me say what a major departure in style this is for a control freak such as me!

I think I'm just about coming out of the other side now. I've accepted that come what may, she will only go to bed at 8:10pm so what's the point fighting it? I'm trying to put her down earlier if she looks tired, but if the screaming starts I just cut my losses. Don't fight the system. Whatever it takes. My new and essential mantras. That said, with each passing day, it does get easier, even if it's very much a one-step-forward-and-ten-back process! And for every time you feel like you want to scream, you only need to get one of those gummy little smiles to make you realise that somewhere, deep down, it's all worth it.

Lessons in Parenthood - 5: Routines

Just when you think you've established a routine....everything changes.

The Arsenic Hour

Abigail enjoying the baby play mat at Cynthia's house

Cynthia's baby Maddy (top) and Abi (bottom) get to know each other.

Why is it that when you visit friends, your little bundle of joy puts on her best behaviour? She sleeps, coos and smiles non-stop and everyone remarks how lucky you are to have such a good baby. A prime example: the coffee afternoon I went to at Cynthia's house this week. Come round at 5 o'clock, I tell them. It's a different story then! At 5 o'clock - and you can pretty much set your watch by it - our delightful child turns into a screaming monster: red-faced, writhing and inconsolable.

Only swaddling, holding, rocking and sucking (whether bottle or boob, she's not fussed) can prevent a total meltdown. But of course the minute the dummy is quite literally spat out, off she goes again. It carries on this way until around 9 o'clock, or later if it's a particularly bad night, until she finally goes to sleep (presumably through exhaustion).

Why do babies do this? Some call it colic. Some call it the witching hour. The best description I saw was "the arsenic hour" on an Australian breastfeeding site. We call it the evening grizzlies. Whatever you call it, it's quite common and apparently peaks in week 6 and tails off by 3 months (or not, as my brother helpfully told me). Either way, 3 months seems like an eternity away when your day is measured out in 2-hour slots of feeding, changing and sleeping - or not, as the case may be!

What is clear, however, is that you do get through it - at least judging by how our friends recall their experience through misty eyes. Says Harriet, on the subject of crying: "Ah. They are teaching you how to look after them. They are teaching you important life lessons which they hope you will learn deeply and quickly which is why they cry so loudly and for such a long time. These things include how to be patient, how to look after them although you'd rather actually leave the room, how to eat your dinner standing up and with one implement, how to listen to what you and them are thinking even when you can't hear your partner above the din and how to soothe them. Happy days are nappy days."

To which I can only assume Harriet has long forgotten the days when Connie screamed until she was purple in the face, including one legendary shopping trip to BHS where the decibel count nearly shook the mannequins off their stands and had the shop assistant on speed dial to social services.

Lessons in Parenthood - 4: Crying

As a scientist it can be hard to accept, but sometimes there is no reason and no solution - they just cry...

Lessons in Parenthood - 3: Nursing Wear

Only buy nursing tops in black or heavily patterned designs, unless you want to walk around looking like you have been shot in the nipples.

Lessons in Parenthood - 2: Baby Clothes

Buy enough newborn baby clothes to cope with a change of outfit 5 times a day, but not so many that it's money down the drain when she's outgrown them all by 3 weeks because she eats like a trucker...

Lessons in Parenthood - 1: Sleep

Sleep (n): Period of restfulness whereby the body and mind re-charges itself. A long-forgotten concept, now reduced to minutes rather than hours. See also sleep deprivation: a form of torture practiced by the military. Also effective when administered by a young infant.

Birth Story - by Jennie

We were very lucky to have a great doula - or birth companion - present during my delivery. Her name is Jennie, and here's her version of baby Abigail's birth story. If you're of a squeamish disposition, I promise Jennie's story is really lovely and there are no gory details (wait until my version of the birth story for that, LOL!)

Dear Abigail

I met with your Mummy and Daddy when they decided they wanted to have a gentle, calm and loving birth experience for you. I am a doula and was quite honoured they would allow me to be present at your birth, such an awe inspiring event! After 41 weeks of pregnancy you and your Mummy decided the time was right for you to enter the world.

At 1.15am I received a text message to say that your Mummy’s waters had released but that there were no surges yet. Mummy wanted to go back to bed and get some more rest before you started your journey. However, before long, her surges started and at 3.17am I got a call asking me to attend. At this point, the surges which were going to bring you into the world were already every 4-5 minutes apart and very powerful. Mummy felt a bit sick and shaky.

At 3.50am I call your Mummy from the taxi. She told me that she has some pressure in her bottom, she has been sick and she has been bleeding a bit. That makes me think that already the labour has progressed quite far, and I think your Mum is quite open but she is talking very well between surges and is very calm.

When I arrive at their place, I find a beautifully calm and tranquil environment. Mummy is laying on her side on the bed, in a dimly lit room. Daddy is looking after her, organising her things for the hospital and keeping the atmosphere relaxing and comfortable. I ask her if she wants to go to hospital now, or stay at home some more, but Mummy tells me that if we don’t go now, she doesn’t know if she’ll be able to make it in later!

So at 5.07am we are admitted to the hospital. Daddy immediately ensures that Mummy is feeling comfortable and safe while he gives the birth plan to the nurses and ‘guards’ the room while she settles back down. He puts the hypno-birthing CD on and Mummy lays down on her side and waits for a while before being examined.

Mummy has a long and uncomfortable examination at around 5.30am and we are informed that she is at least 8cm open. The resident Dr who did the exam wants to do another but your Mum breaks her restful silence to clearly say ‘no more exams until Biswas gets here!’. Inwardly I cheer that Mummy is so focused on having a peaceful birth and is not letting the Dr’s and nurses do anything that would alter her state of calm relaxation.

Your Mum does still feel nauseous and is hiccuping after every surge. If she wasn’t in labour, I think she would laugh at this! She lays on her side and listens to the affirmations and relaxation script on the cd. Mummy also keeps a cool flannel over her face for most of the time. This is her way of blocking out all the distractions going on around her and allows her to focus inwardly on you, her baby, and the journey the two of are undertaking.

Daddy is an excellent guardian. He makes sure the nurses know what Mummy and his wishes are and he ‘manages’ the room, ensuring everything is how it should be for a calm and peaceful entrance for you. I am really proud of him- he is so involved and active during your birth.

By 6am, Mummy is showing signs of wanting to bear down- her breathing changes and the quiet noises she makes while she has a surge indicate that you have descended. I encourage Mummy to spend a little time on the toilet, which she does, and then on the birth stool. By about 7.30, Mummy just wants to be on the bed again, so she gets back on it and lays on her side. Mummy starts moaning, just a little now.

Prof Biswas arrives at around 8.30am. I suspect that you have been waiting for him to get here before you make your grand entrance because just 25 minutes later, you are born! What a beautiful birth! Mummy breathes you down, never pushing hard, just gently easing you into the world. Biswas suggests Mummy lay on her back, and even at this late stage in labour, Mummy doesn’t lose her focus. She clearly says ‘I’ll stay on my side’ and inwardly I cheer again.

Baby Abi, you had such a great start, such a wonderful, peaceful entrance. You were put straight onto Mummy’s chest, and by 9.30am were already breastfeeding. On my way home in the taxi, the song ‘I’m walking on sunshine’ by Katrina and the Waves played on the radio and I thought that it was such a sunny, happy song that it summed up my feelings about your birth perfectly. Welcome to the world little Abigail, have a wonderful life.

With love,
Jennie Blake

We found Jennie at Parentlink:
http://www.parentlink.com.sg/

What's the damage?

Before

After

After years of being relatively perky and svelte pre-baby, followed by nine months of watching my waistline and toes gradually disappear, I couldn’t help but wonder what sort of shape I would emerge from pregnancy in. According to various books, I could look forward to a permanent thickening of my waistline, to the tune of up to two inches. Ditto, weight gain - with an additional 1-2 Kg here to stay for good.

And that’s just the thin end of the wedge. Horror stories abound of breasts like a couple of satsumas in a string bag, a stomach sagging like an old crepe suzette under the weight of a thousand stretch marks, and a lifelong subscription to Tena Lady because your pelvic floor is shot to bits. Yes, by all accounts, your body will never be the same again after pregnancy. So, after 41 weeks, 3 days, 7 hours of labour and a few sleepless nights, it was finally time for me to take stock, step on the scales, have a good hard look in the mirror and assess the collateral damage. And I have to say, some of the results were surprising!

I gained a total of 14 pounds during the pregnancy, 9 of which were instantly shed at the birth. One week later I was back to my pre-pregnancy weight (although certainly not my pre-pregnancy shape judging by the refusal of my trouser buttons!). My belly feels as spongy as a ball of dough and something seriously weird has happened to my abdominal muscles, which seem to have parted like the Red Sea at the Israelites’ exodus. On the plus side, no stretch marks though.

Sadly, hypnobirthing can only save you from some of the ravages of child birth and there’s no escaping that first-week feeling that a double-decker bus has driven through your private parts and that with every step you take all your insides might just fall out. I wasn’t counting on waking up with a couple of rock-hard “Pammies” on day 3 either. Still, it’s the sign of a good sense of humour when, after a sleepless night, your husband can look at your ridiculously swollen décolletage, laugh uncontrollably, and re-name your assets “The Zeppelins”. And to think people pay good money for boobs like this...

Introducing Abigail

Yes - it's taken a while to get round to posting some pictures. All I can say is your life goes out of the window after having a baby. It's an exhausting but magical time!

Here's the very first pictures taken at the hospital. Labour kicked off around 2am and Abigail was born at 08:56 so it was quite a short labour - and I'm pleased to say the hypnobirthing worked a treat so I didn't need any drugs.

I don't think much of the outside world!

Hello Daddy!

Our doula, Jennie.


First feed

3.22Kg on the scale

The clean up and weighing station

Proud Dad

Hello world!

It's a tough life - asleep again

Yup - I look like a woman who's had no sleep that night!

Adorable little face

Prof Biswas, our obstetrician. The picture is a funny shape

because I had to censor it as my right boob was on display!

Extra Time

So the eagerly anticipated due date came and went. Honestly, after all my problems around week 21 (when I thought I was going into premature labour), and all my talk of our family history of early births, it's just typical that I'm overdue. Not just slightly overdue either, but 8 whole days overdue. This pregnancy is now seriously into extra time. In fact it looks like it's going all the way to the penalty shoot-out, since there's no signs of any action - which typically in the days leading up to labour could include:

• Opening and softening of the cervix (nope - more tightly closed than a Yorkshire man's purse strings).
• Increased bowel movements/diarrhoea (No, but if I keep on the curry who knows...)
• Loss of the rather vile sounding "mucous plug". (The closest I got to losing a plug was unblocking the bathroom sink this week)
• A pink discharge - or "bloody show". (Well, in an effort to keep myself entertained I have been to see 3 bloody shows at the gold class cinema in recent weeks).
• Frantic nesting - i.e. a sudden desire to clean out all the cupboards and organize everything alphabetically. (Yes, I have experienced this, but mainly since our maid started and I was so embarrassed to discover dust an inch thick inside all our wardrobes!)

So, every day I wake up eagerly looking for a sign. Any sign. And every day it's just like groundhog day; I'm still pregnant and there's no sign. Meanwhile, all around me, the entire pregnant population seems to be popping out their babies (congratulations to Gunilla and Paola who had theirs on their due dates!). Even Sam Cam (the British PM's wife) had her baby - and that was 3 weeks early!

Naturally, I couldn't resist Googling 'world's longest ever pregnancy', which brought up the not terribly inspiring answer of 46 years. Yes, seriously! Apparently this lady got pregnant and the baby died in-utero. Then, 46 years later, the calcified remains were removed from her body. Granted, perhaps it's not a typical case. Most babies are born by 42 weeks, so technically you are not really overdue until then. I should also take comfort in the fact that apparently only 7% of babies arrive on the due date - and for first time mothers, the average pregnancy runs to 41+3 days. (So theoretically, just 2 days to go then!).

If you go past 42 weeks (god forbid!), then you are into "post-term" territory, when you can start to run into problems (not least of which the baby can get so big that it's hard to get it out!). Most doctors don't allow this anyway, and will push for an induction at 42 weeks, if not sooner. Thankfully my doc is pretty relaxed about things and says as long as everything looks good, he prefers not to induce. Let's hope he still feels the same way when I go for my appointment tomorrow. I don't want him to blow the final whistle just yet!

Bump Watch: Week 39. Bring it on!

The Book Club. From L-R: Me, Cynthia, Regina, Paola, Gunilla

One great thing about having a baby in Singapore is the ease of meeting partners in crime. A group of us who met through childbirth classes at ParentLink recently started meeting up for afternoon tea in town. We take over the cafe and get quite a few stares, what with our row of hugely pregnant bellies. In a recent spin-off, some of us formed a book club. Well, we figured that we need to find more intellectual stimulation than talk of baby poo alone can provide.

Here's a picture from the first book club meeting - incredibly, four of us are due to give birth within days of each other. In fact, three of us could be locked in a "battle of the doulas" as we race to the finish line. Cynthia, who is due 2 days after me, shares my doula (Jennie) and back-up doula (Di). Meanwhile, Gunilla, who due on the same day as Cynthia, also has Jennie as her back-up doula. I'm sure it will all work out in the wash, although I can't shake the image in my head of poor Jennie running up and down the corridors of the maternity ward juggling three babies!

Anyway, we all met up for coffee yesterday (coincidentally my due date), and there's no sign of any babies appearing just yet! Understandably, talk in the group has now turned to the many myths and urban legends surrounding bringing on labour. Turns out that between us, we have tried the following:

• Eating pineapple
• Having sex
• Eating spicy food
• Nipple stimulation
• Drinking raspberry leaf tea
• Reflexology
• Going for a long walk

And the conclusions of our (not very scientific) survey: it's all a load of rubbish. Looks like these babies will only come out when they are good and ready...

Waiting Game

With only six days to go, I feel like a ticking time bomb - only without an accurate countdown timer. I can tell everyone else is thinking the same, as every day I receive messages like "how are you?" I guess it's a polite of saying "have you popped yet?". Although Di at Parentlink tells me I can communicate with my unborn child to agree the timing, I'm not convinced I'll have much say in the matter. However, if you're listening Pob, please wait until Daddy's exams have finished on Monday. So shall we say Tuesday morning? Preferably not until the rush hour is over. Kick off at 10:30, say? Give us a chance to have our breakfast and all that. Great - let's mark our calendars!

Seriously though, given the uncertainty ahead, I have started to have strange thoughts that I can't shake. Like what happens if my waters break and I'm in the middle of Orchard Road surrounded by fifty thousand shoppers and no taxis? Hence I am currently avoiding any trips to Orchard Road - or other densely populated areas - like the plague! Instead, I have taken to hanging around the swimming pool, only to find myself wondering if my waters break in the swimming pool, how will I know that they have broken?

Come to think of it, I have developed a slight obsession with my waters breaking. I rushed out to Ikea to buy a mattress protector the other day and I won't sit on the sofa without having the old green travel rug (a freebie from the petrol station several years ago) underneath me. To some extent these fears are slightly ridiculous because the first sign of labour is rarely broken waters. On the other hand, I have been warned about the amazing rotting powers of amniotic fluid, which can apparently inflict damage to your mattress on a par with sulphuric acid.

One thing which makes me feel slightly more in control of the situation is having the hospital bag packed. So, what's in the bag? Well, first I must confess it's actually 2 bags, not because I'm going on a 2-week break or anything, but to try and split the stuff into what I need during labour and what can wait until later. I have also attached a list to the bag for all those items which can't be packed until the last minute. So here goes:

Labour essentials

Dreamgenii pillow - can't live without it!

• Hospital documents (I'm pre-registered already so this part should be quite smooth)
• Several copies of my birth plan
• MP3 player (loaded with labour playlist) and small speakers
• Hypnobirthing book (with birth companion's 'to do' list earmarked!)
• Lavender eye mask (for blanking out the world if it all gets too much)
• Lavender and peppermint essential oils (lavender to instill calm, peppermint to ward off nausea)
• Rice sock (great for any aches and pains - just heat for 2 minutes in the microwave)
• Tennis ball (apparently good for giving a firm massage to an aching back)
• An old t-shirt dress (for giving birth in - don't bother taking anything too precious apparently!)
• Couple of flannels (so hubby can mop my fevered brow)
• Facial spray and fan (ditto)
  
• Socks and slippers (apparently it's quite common to alternate between feeling overheated and chilly during labour!)
• Dressing gown (in case I want to walk around without shocking the other patients!)
• Dreamgenii pillow http://www.dreamgenii.com (My very own comfort blanket - I've been using this to help me get comfortable in bed these last few months. After giving birth you can use it as a breast feeding pillow).
• Digital camera (issued with strict instructions for no 'below-the-waist' shots!)
  

After (Baby Stuff)

The ultimate in neutral baby fashion:
Mothercare unisex starter set

• Starter pack of baby clothes (Mothercare) - 3 long sleeved and 3 short sleeved body suits, bootees, hat and scratch mits.
• Receiving blanket (to wrap up baby)
• Muslin cloths (essential for wiping up baby sick etc).
• Baby manicure kit (apparently baby's nails sometimes reach right round the fingertips by birth. Given our 'Frank Spencer' tendencies, I'd rather do baby's first manicure in a setting where we have emergency medical help on standby!)

After (Mummy's Stuff)

No, they are not eye patches!

• Nursing bras
• Comfy pyjamas
• Breast pads, super-sized sanitary towels and a pack of disposable knickers (the bit nobody wants to talk about - leaking body fluids galore. Enough said...)
  
• Wash bag with nice toiletries, toothbrush & paste. (Stuff the confinement tradition of not bathing for a month - I'll be taking a nice long shower thank you very much!)
• Make-up bag and hair brush
  
• Going home outfit

The Final Countdown

All wired up: CTG Scan at the hospital

With less than two weeks to go before the due date we are definitely on the final countdown. I'm torn between relishing the final few days of freedom and enjoying the strange movements in my belly - and at the same time, wishing it was all over so I can walk more than two yards without needing the toilet. So anyway, the doula is now on call 24/7. The nursery is overflowing with nappies, wipes and bum cream. And my belly is absolutely enormous - although strangely my belly button hasn't popped!

After the electrocution incident, my regular check-up with the Prof was brought forward. "It's a very good sized baby" Prof frowned as he laid his measuring tape over my enormous bump. As if sensing my horror at the thought of giving birth to a ten-pound monster child, Prof hastily countered with "Then again, you've got huge fibroids so it's difficult to be exact". Cheers then, that's a relief!

At today's check-up I had to do a CTG scan, which is basically monitoring the baby's heartbeat, movements and any contractions. Two large pads were strapped to my belly and I was hooked up to the machine. It was quite a surreal experience in the CTG room as two other ladies were having scans at the same time, so all we could hear was the rapid 'whoomp, whoomp, whoomp' of little baby heartbeats. It was a bit like being inside a gigantic womb, although the effect was slightly spoiled by the lady in the corner snoring loudly behind her curtain!

Bump Watch - Week 37

"Is it twins?" the checkout lady in the

supermarket asked me. The cheek of it!

This week marks an important milestone - the baby is now considered full-term and could arrive at any time. My reflexologist certainly thinks it will be earlier than later: "Prepare yourself" he said on Wednesday. "All the signs are there in the feet". As I had planned a girls' night in at our place on Saturday I asked him if I would make it as far as the weekend. "Oh yes" he said. "It's not that imminent".

This came as a relief, since I was convinced that if I planned an elaborate party I would end up cancelling it at the last minute for a mad dash to the hospital. As it happened, Friday's regular hospital check-up passed off uneventfully, and as Saturday came, I prepared salads to go with the takeaway pizzas I would order later and congratulated myself on a job well done.

At 6:45, with the girls due to arrive at 7pm, I just had time to sort out the music and switch on the table lamps, when ZZZZZ!!!!!! I gave myself an electric shock on the plug adaptor for the cursed 2-prong-plugged lamp. Baby's feet gave a massive kick to my ribs in a "Hey! What the hell's going on?" sort of way, and then - nothing. Oh god! Oh god! I thought, dashing for the computer to Google "can electric shock harm baby". The first hit which came up included the line "the fetuses died in 73% of cases, and there was only one normal pregnancy outcome".

So, convinced I had fried the baby with only three weeks to go, I went on what seemed like the longest taxi ride ever to the hospital (which is just five minutes away). Unlike my recent visit (the gastroenteritis episode), this time there was no attempt to take payment up-front and I was whisked straight through to triage where I had a series of sticky pads and wires applied all over my body, apparently to check my heart. Never mind me, I'm thinking, what about the baby?

Eventually the on-call gynae showed to do an ultrasound and thankfully Pob was very much alive and kicking. I bet The Prof, my obstetrician, was wetting himself when he got a call to tell him that his patient, who was absolutely fine yesterday, had electrocuted herself and did she need to bring forward her next appointment as a result? Yes, Prof said. And inwardly I laughed too, because on Friday, when he sent us away with a confident "see you in ten days", I said "I bet we see you sooner". However this wasn't exactly the scenario I had in mind...

Happy ending: the girls' party went ahead

rather later than expected!

Getting Carried Away: Baby Carriers

So the big stroller decision has been made, but stroller aside, there are times when you just want to pick up the baby and go. A baby carrier is a fantastic solution, not only allowing you to keep your hands free for housework or shopping, but also for soothing the baby (and even a bit of sneaky breast feeding!). As with most baby kit these days, the options are endless, but fortunately I was able to attend a baby carrier demonstration session led by Samantha Van Norman of SnugBugs, to get the lowdown.

Much like strollers, I found myself approaching the baby carrier decision with the view that there must be one ideal product out there to cover all the bases. Yet again, I was proved wrong! For a start, not all carriers are suitable from birth. Second, some are much more geared towards women than men, whether aesthetically or from a breast-feeding point of view. And then there’s the small matter of what the baby likes. You could spend a fortune only to find out that your little bundle of joy can’t stand being in the carrier.

Pouch Slings

One of the simplest carriers out there, the pouch sling is basically a hoop of fabric which goes from shoulder to waist. At around $50 or less, they are one of the cheapest carriers out there, and come in a large range of funky designs. At the demonstration I attended all of the babies loved these – several of them went straight off to sleep! On the downside, pouch slings are sized to fit the wearer not the baby, so may not be suitable for both parents. The designs tend to be more feminine anyway – Dom’s initial reaction was “I’m not wearing one of those!”

Ring Slings

Easily the most stylish option, these look fabulous. However several ladies in our demonstration group experienced trouble using them. First, the rings really need to be metal to allow the fabric to glide effectively for adjustment. Even then, these slings did not seem very easy to set up and one baby nearly fell right out! A case of style over substance in my opinion.

Wrap Slings

Essentially just a long length of fabric, wrap slings offer endless options for how to carry a baby. But as you can imagine, they are trickier to get to grips with and after a trial run with a plastic doll I just couldn’t see either me or Dom having the patience.

Baby Sling Safety

A final word on slings: the safety of baby slings was called into question earlier this year following the recall of 1m Slingrider slings due to 3 cases of suffocation. The US Consumer Product Safety Commission released a general warning about the dangers of baby slings, citing risks from the fabric pressing against the baby’s mouth and nose – and also from carrying the baby in a ‘C’ shaped position, whereby the head and chest are pressed together, leading to suffocation. When buying a sling, particularly the pouch kind, it is important to check the sizing. If the sling is too big, the baby could be swamped by fabric or slung too low beneath the breasts, both of which could contribute towards the suffocation risks described.

Mei Tai Carriers

The Asian version of the Baby Bjorn, the Mei Tai is an apron-like fabric carrier which fastens by tying long straps around the shoulder and waist Suitable from birth, they’re cheaper, more lightweight and foldable compared with the structured carriers, and are apparently quite good for a bit of covert breast-feeding. And unlike baby slings, the weight is evenly distributed across both shoulders.

Soft Structured Carriers

Perhaps the most popular type of baby carriers, these are more suitable for slightly older babies (3 months +), despite what the manufacturers might claim. (Remember a very small baby can’t support its head properly). The easy clip-on buckles and choice of neutral designs make them more ‘Dad friendly’ and many can be worn on the front or back, giving more flexibility.

Baby Bjorn leads the way when it comes to structured carriers, but at a price. Also, Baby Bjorn makes the baby hang from its groin area, which is not ideal. The Ergo carrier, on the other hand, allows the baby to hang from its bum – bum down, knees bent up – a more natural position for a baby. As for the debate of outward or inward baby facing options, we were advised that while you might think that a baby being able to look at its surroundings is a plus, the downside is that they can get over-stimulated. If the baby is facing you it will be calmer, easier to soothe and settle to sleep.

http://www.snugbugs.com.sg/

In Pursuit of the Holy Grail: Choosing the right Stroller

Of all the baby equipment we bought, the thing we found most difficult to choose was the stroller. Just step into Mothercare and you can be instantly turned off by the vast selection, not to mention the prices. I felt a bit like Indiana Jones on the Last Crusade, trying to pick the Holy Grail. Should I go for something cheap and simple, or will it just fall apart? Or should I go for the all-bells-and-whistles option with cup holders, hydraulic suspension and rear-view mirrors, only to find it won’t fit through my front door? Clearly, if you’re going to spend the best part of $500 – or up to $2000 on a fancy travel system you’d better make damn sure that it’s suitable for your needs.

In our case, we don’t have a car so we get around using taxis, buses and trains. Now there’s no legal requirement to use a car seat in Singapore – and some mothers told me they managed simply using a baby carrier and a lightweight stroller – but when you’ve seen the way people drive here I think a car seat is still worth considering! Of course, a car seat in isolation is not very portable when you don’t own a car. I can’t imagine lugging a car seat with a baby in it around Vivo City on a weekend, put it that way! So this brings me to the thorny issue of travel systems. Travel systems offer the flexibility of having a car seat and a stroller which are compatible, so the car seat can be easily clipped into the stroller or the car without disturbing the bambino. Or at least that’s the theory.

In reality, I found that most travel systems are enormous, cumbersome things with wheels the size of dustbin lids and a chassis made for a body-builder. It’s all very well if you have a car, but after seeing someone in the taxi queue at Vivo City trying to shoehorn their Quinny Zap into the boot of a cab, I could see this was not the way forward. Fortunately there are some lightweight travel systems out there – and here’s the one we bought, the Graco Ultima + Travel System. The stroller part of this is quite light and can be collapsed with one hand and the car seat straps in easily using the rear adult seatbelt, making it ideal for taxi hopping. And between the car seat and the stroller it’s suitable from birth to 3 years.

Tips for buying a stroller:

• Consider your lifestyle. Where will you travel with the baby and how will you get there? Do you have a car or do you rely on public transport?
• Consider your environment: Are you living in an urban environment with forgiving terrain or in a rural area where you need more ‘off-road’ capability?
• Consider the climate. Does the stroller offer enough warmth/air circulation? Is there a rain cover and how easy is this to install? Is there an adequate sun shade?
• Ask for a demonstration and be sure to test the stroller thoroughly in the shop. How easy is the stroller to steer, collapse and carry with one hand?
• Check the age limits and seat adjustment options. Is the stroller suitable from birth? How does the seat adjust for different ages? Is there an option for the baby to face you during the early months?
• Check the wheels and brakes. Are they effective and easy to operate? Bear in mind that fancy wheels (those with elaborate bearings or inflatable tyres) might attract problems. (Punctures aside, one friend found her stroller came to a halt after the wheel bearings jammed up with grit). On the other hand, solid wheels might slide rather than roll on shiny surfaces, so be sure to check.
• Measure the stroller, both open and folded, to check that it will fit well into your car and your home. (Strollers tend to look smaller in the shop!).
• Check out the shopping basket. It might sound a bit vain and girly, but you do need somewhere to stash your baby bag and I found several strollers where the shopping basket was incredibly small or had a bar running through the middle of it.
• However much research you put into buying a stroller, accept that you may end up buying more than one. For this reason I chose not to blow the bank on our stroller. The fact is, babies grow and needs change. Most people I know with children ended up buying a more lightweight stroller once the baby got a bit older. Quite simply, when it comes to strollers, there are always pros and cons. In stroller world, there is no such thing as the Holy Grail.

Graco stockists (Singapore): Aprisin http://www.aprisin.com.sg/store/index.php?main_page=index

Bump Watch - Week 33

Me with birthday girl Gen at Wala Wala

Week 33 is upon us, as is the shocking realisation that there are only 7 weeks to go - and possibly less if you consider the family history of early arrivals. Fortunately project baby is well under control by now and we could pretty much get by if Pob made an early appearance. We have the cot, a swinging crib and a growing collection of baby clothes thanks to new friend, Jess, who has a little boy and lives a couple of floors down.

We are also in the process of hiring a live-in maid (more on that soon!), which means I have a small project on the go to clear out the bomb room (AKA the maid's bedroom). Also this week, we had our second pre-natal meeting with our doula, Jennie, to finalise plans for the birth.

The main concern at my last hospital appointment was the breech position of the baby. I spent the last week trying out the tips for turning a breech baby, including lying head down on an ironing board propped against the sofa (a horrible vomit-inducing position) and kneeling on the floor with my bum in the air.

This morning we went for my regular check-up at the hospital and I was hoping and praying that the baby had turned. It seemed I wasn't the only one. "So, has the baby turned?" my obstetrician asked. "You tell me!" I said, but I wasn't hopeful. I explained that I was feeling the same sort of movements in the same sort of places, with one new and strange pointy lump on my left side.

So the Prof felt my belly and I was quite shocked that for the first time, he could not figure out which way round the baby was. "Where's the baby's head?" he puzzled. Meanwhile I'm lying there thinking oh my god, I'm sure the baby had a head before - and what on earth is that strange pointy thing on the left?! Has Pob somehow morphed into an alien life-form?

An ultrasound revealed the answers. "Ah, excellent!" the Prof broke into a smile as he waved the ultrasound gun over my belly. In fact the baby had turned and the reason Prof couldn't feel the head is that it was buried very deep inside. And as for the odd pointy thing on my side? A foot? A hand? Or maybe a stray elbow? No. It was a bloody fibroid all along!

32 week scan

So we're finally on the home straight - the third trimester. On Friday I had the 32 week scan - well strictly speaking, it was 31 weeks but anyway...

It was quite hard to get a good view of the baby thanks to its funny position. Yes, the little one is clearly going to be more gifted than me in the gymnastics department as the picture below shows - the legs are doubled back right over the head. What with all the arms, legs and even the umbilical cord in front of the face it was a miracle to even get one half decent 3D shot.

The baby is currently in what is known as a 'frank breech' position - head up, bum down with the legs flat back over the face. For those not in the know, babies usually come out head first, so breech position is not ideal to say the least. However between week 32 and 37 the baby usually turns head down. To help it on its way though, there are various techniques I can try, including:

• Placing a bag of frozen peas on the baby's head (baby hates cold things)
• Playing music and shining a bright light near the pubic bone (the carrot approach rather than the stick this time - encourage the baby to move towards the source).
• Swimming and doing handstands in the water (sounds like synchronised swimming to me!)
• Getting on all fours and sticking my bum in the air and my head and chest on the ground (best make sure the curtains are closed before doing this one I think!)
• Something which I haven't entirely figured out yet involving lying on an ironing board propped against the sofa(sounds like extreme ironing?!)
• Specialised pregnancy reflexology (manipulation of pressure points on the feet) or moxibustion (a form of acupuncture)

The long things on the right hand side are the legs,
folded back towards the face

My obstetrician says the little bundle of joy is currently estimated to be 1.8Kg (about 4 pounds). Or to put it another way, it's about the size of a large chicken. It certainly feels like I've got a family bucket of KFC in there, little wings and drumsticks poking around like mad!

Bump Watch - Week 27

Proving that you can be pregnant and stylish, here's a LBD I picked up from Top Shop's maternity range. A snip at $130 (bearing in mind I saw a posh maternity frock in another shop for nearly $400!). The occasion? A VIP party with the dreaded dress code (well, at least when you're pregnant): Black Tie. See the main blog for all the gory details...

http://rachanddom.blogspot.com/2010/05/heineken-vip-party.html

Baby Shower

At the weekend we had a surprise baby shower with lots of fun games. See the post on our main blog for details of all the antics: http://rachanddom.blogspot.com/2010/05/baby-shower.html

Here's some pictures of all the lovely gifts we received. As you can see, the nursery will be taking on a farm theme!

Daisy has already been commissioned to paint a series of pictures of babies.

Here's our very own personalised one - see how the details match the nursery set,

and don't you think this baby looks just like Dom, complete with his beer!

See Daisy's other baby pics: http://buddinghearts.blogspot.com/2010/01/my-babies.html

Wooden wall plaques

Nappy stacker

Cot blanket

Cot sheets in green

Small blanket for pram/bassinet

Change of sheets - in blue this time

Cot bumper set

What the finished nursery should look like!

Cute teddies

Baby clothes - nice & neutral!

A bib for every day of the week...

And very essential - portable changing mat

cunningly disguised as a small laptop bag. No excuses, Dom!

The incredible world of baby products

They say that having a child is the most expensive thing you can do. It costs an estimated GBP180,000 to raise a child from birth to age 21, and my guess is that it's even more in Singapore where basic baby equipment seems to be twice the price of that in the UK. Bearing in mind this is mostly stuff which the baby grows out of quickly, I'm trying to stick to the essentials and avoid being sucked in by all the marketing hype. And thanks to the generosity of friends and family we have bagged most of the major equipment like the cot and pram (sorry, stroller - as they say in Singapore!).

I'm now down to a list of middling stuff (travel cot, baby gym/play mat) and smaller stuff like changing mats, nappies, baby gros and muslin cloths. Oh, and one minor concession to the marketing gurus - I want some of those cute hooded towels for baby bath time. The choice of products is still incredible though. Take nappies as one small example. These days you can get everything from bog standard disposable nappies to reusable ones in funky pastel shades woven from bamboo. (I swear I'm not making this up!). You can even go to www.thenappylady.co.uk and fill in a questionnaire to discover which type would best suit your lifestyle. (Anything which self-changes and then spontaneously combusts gets my vote.)

Old hat? Disposables

Bumgenius - organic cotton for your baby's derriere

Or how about a bit of bamboo?

It's a pity I couldn't find a similar service to help me decide on other equipment. I'm still weighing up the merits of different strollers. Does it really collapse at the click of a finger, or will it be like doing battle with a gigantic Meccano set at the bus stop? Is it necessary to have wheels bigger than those on a Land Rover? If I buy a Maclaren can I give Jenson Button a run for his money? Does Singapore terrain really demand a hydraulic suspension system? And am I less of a yummy mummy without cup holders and a matching sun shade? Honestly, anyone would think we were buying a car, not a simple pram!

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it's a Micralite

Jenson was not convinced by the latest modifications from the Maclaren engineers...